Since I was young, I’ve tried extremely hard to meet all of the expectations that our society has of women.
The expectation that was the hardest for me to deal with though was to appear non-threatening. Since I was in middle school I’ve tried my best to play dumb while also being able to learn what I wanted to learn, and I’ve done extremely well. I was in Honors and AP classes, got into a highly selective internship program my senior year, and got into a academically rigorous college while at the same time being called an airhead by many. People were not afraid of me in the least because I appeared to be very one dimensional. I turned my negative feelings inward so that people only saw me smiling or looking off into space. I used humor to get through contentious situations and backed down when there was even a slight risk of upsetting someone. Essentially, I was a really funny doormat; and I made myself the butt of the joke when I needed to in order to prevent confrontation. (There are a few exceptions to this, I definitely told off a teacher and a couple of dysfunctional friends, but this is what my life was like for the most part, and probably why those situations went the way they did.)
The thing is that I am a threat. I am a threat to you loosing an argument. I am a threat to your self-esteem when I call you out on whatever fucked up thing you just said, (although I will try to be nice about it because you probably didn’t mean it, and it probably won’t offend me on a deep enough level to which I would freak out. That said, if you do offend someone like that, see it for what it is and apologize no matter how taken aback you are, and then go educate yourself on the issue.) and I’m a threat to taking the leadership position that you want because I am just as qualified, if not more so.
I might know more about a topic than you, and when that happens I will politely say something about it because I am done worrying about everyone else’s fragile egos. Young girls are told repeatedly: “Don’t be bossy,” “Don’t be mean,” ”If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” These things are true, but the behaviors that illicit these words from adults would usually be acceptable if a little boy exhibited them.
So I will say “You’re wrong,” or “You don’t know all of the facts and just said something incorrect,” even though that’s not always a nice thing to hear because I’m making the world a better place for saying it when I think it needs to be said. I will also accept being told this by others as long as I agree with them after they explain their ideas to me because that’s what a productive discussion looks like.
I’m still nice, but now I’m honest. I’m still funny, but now I use humor to get my points across instead of using it to make insecure people feel comfortable. I’ve just started trying to own my shit recently, and it’s been terrifying to be honest. I think that’s because people are told that if they do not meet an expectation of society that they will not be desirable, but who cares about assholes wanting you around? After years of trying, I’m over it.
Go own ya shit!
It is conference time, so whenever I try to write something here I get all panicky about not writing my conference paper, so this will probably end up being short.. But, now that I have declared that this blog will be short, I’m tweakin about what to write.
Whatever. I’m gunna GET OVER IT. MY EGO MY BLOG MY RULES
Whatever I’m a divaaaa love it or leave eiit.
So, other than that, I think I should share my feelings about the overly moist sandwiches in the pub for a hot second. The other day I bit into one and I swear water wrung out of it like a sponge. Sexxual!
But actually I had to throw it away because it was too wet of a sandwich! What does that even mean? How do the pre-wrapped turkey and cheese sandwiches get so saturated with moisture that they literally drip with water and squish when you bite into them? My friend was sitting across from me when this happened and heard the sandwich squish when I bit into it. This happened in the library actually, so a lot of people probably heard my eating sounds.. another topic for another day. It’s not that I have a fundamental problem with moist sandwiches, I’m just curious about the process that takes usually dry food and makes it that wet.
Okay, I actually have a problem with sandwiches that are too moist. It’s soggy and weird. It’s not even bread anymore. Are they sandwiches still a pile of mush that once was a sandwich? But really. I’m making you think now right?
The sandwiches are wet people!!
THAT. Is how I feel right now, and I am owning those feelings.
I haven’t written in a while because I HAVE A LIFE OKAY?
But I’m here now, so just enjoy this, please. Cripes.
Okay. So I just rediscovered songs that are on the American Pie soundtrack… Remember Wheatus? WHEATUS ROCKS!
I’m jusst a teenage dirtbaag baby.
I just found a youtube mix of all music like this. I have no idea why I am jamming so hard to this whiny music but I am. Hard. The Cranberries are on it. Remember the Cranberries?! They sang the Zombie song. It’s actually a really sad song.
Besides awesome songs filled with some really justified angst and some songs filled with silly angst about puberty, I’ve also been thinking about being awkward and the line between being the cool kind of awkward and just plain uncomfortably awkward. You know what I’m sayin.( I was inspired because earlier this month my friend did a skit where she was Doc Awk, like Doc Ock in Spider Man. It was hilarious.) I was thinking about it earlier, and you can literally say almost anything, and as long as you say something along the lines of, “Isn’t that awkward?!”, or even just “Awkward!” with a knowing glance. You’re fine! You are solid. If it wasn’t socially okay before, saying, “awkward,” will make it okay as long as it isn’t some sort of crime! Even some crimes are fine! “Woah I smoked some crack the other day.. isn’t that awkward?”. See? It’s cool! I would punch that person in the arm and be like, “Cheyah it is my friend.” Then we would chortle about it.
I don’t know why this is, but being awkward makes you cooly accessible. I think it goes back to all the hot women in movies that….
Hold on, Wonderwall just came on and I need to fucking belt to this shit.
Back. The lead singer has a uni-brow. Remember?!
I feel like a lot of hot women in movies are given some sort of flaw in order to be accessible. (It’s hard being so sexy. People are always intimidated. There should definitely be a PSA about the problems hot people have in this world. Ugh. It’s just so hard.) Since people want to see hotties fallin in love on the tv, writers have the hot love interest do weird shit or fall a lot so that they could be approachable in some way. Like, maybe they’d fall down, and while they’re falling down they grab a table cloth and all of the plates and food fall on them. This way, the less hot, but still extremely hot other person gets to help them take off their clothes so that they can wash off all of the spaghetti stains together while saying “Oh wow! Well isn’t this awkward?!” (Did I just write an amazing plot for a porno?! Do I even need to ask this question? I’m dropping out of school and pursuing this newly realized dream.) I think this is where the awkward trend was born, and when the baby was spanked by the doctor, it gave it’s mom a knowing glance and said, “Isn’t this awkward?!” And the mom was all, “Hahahaha totally.” Cool baby right?
There are some times when this phrase would not work, though. Like if you punched an undeserving person in the face, pooped your pants, or if someone proposed to you and you said no… Awkward! Not the cute kind! Abort the mission!
Also! No matter how much you say, “But actually, I’m REALLY awkward.” You’re only making yourself cooler. (As long as you haven’t done any of the things I just mentioned, and if you have, you need to just go and wait out the shame stuff. I suggest napping it off.) You can also say things that are actually impressive, but then say “Awkward, right?” so that people know you’re brilliant but you don’t let it get to your head. This instantly makes you more brilliant. Or maybe not because then it looks like you aren’t owning your glory. Whatever. Go for it!
Let’s all work hard and become the coolest people on the planet!
We can do this! Go team! Teamwork! Team Popular!
Oops! That was awkward! Up there, with that wink?! I didn’t mean it it’s just a really adorable twitch. Seriously it’s fine.
Or is it?
I need to stop.
His name is Costas because I ate Greek food.
I will write something soon! Don’t cry- oops too late.
Whatever, stop it.
Baby is kickin’! Beautiful moments and memories for the food baby book!!!
CAUSE I, BUILT MY LIIIFE AROUND YOOOU.
I’m making some blog changes, and if you are feeling feelings, it is definitely okay to belt Landslide by yourself! I’m saying this mostly because that song speaks to every human on a very deep level, and also because I care about you, and I want you to have the right song to cry sing to in this moment.
THE BLOG’S NAME IS CHANGING!
Did you notice?! Why didn’t you notice?!?
That’s the only change for now. I tried to change the URL, but people already have the URLs that I wanted. Also, I am attached to mommysack11. Mommysack11 4everrrr. The world better look out fa this chick.
So, for this post I think it would be a good idea to talk about hugging, since you might need one after all of these crazy changes happening in your world. Physical contact raises happy hormones in your body or something so that’s why people do it, but there are also times when hugs are just socially called for and neither party is into it, or one party wants to hug more than the other. Yikes!!
Let’s start by giving an overview of hugs where both parties are interested in committing the act.
You could be saying, “Hello!” to a friend, or “Goodbye!”, or “I’m happy for you!”
Other things you can think in your mind, in unison with the person you are hugging include:
-“We are pretending to be only hugging but we are actually telling each other secrets.”
-“We’re hugging because I can feel yo boobies”-for people who like the ladies (and only if the ladies are saying to themselves “This person can feel my boobs! This rocks.” Then they smile a knowing smile.) Ok.
-“I MISSED YOU A LOT!”
-“You had a wardrobe malfunction and I am helping you after you asked me to help you. Now we are hug walking to the bathroom.”
-“I accomplished something and you are proud of me!”
-“We just watched Good Will Hunting for the first time together!”
The list goes on. For ones with you’s and me’s can be switched for whatever occasion. I was not all inclusive, there are other reasons to hug; your truth is your truth, and I respect that. If you want to add something, re-blog and add something or whatever you do to write more stuff on a post. I am not completely tumblr literate, but do yo thang because I know this blog matters a lot to you.
Anyway, what do you do if the situation arises where you feel that you should hug someone, but you don’t really want to? It doesn’t really matter why, and I’m not going to go into it because on the list of not fun things to talk about, “Reasons you wouldn’t want to hug someone” is pretty up there. The only thing we need to know right now is that you do not want to hug this person. Don’t worry though. I’m here to help.
There are many ways to avoid a hug. You can lean in and then grab their hand and shake it; or pull the Oprah, where you lean in for the hug and then just squeeze the person’s shoulder when they’re an arm’s length away and say, “This must be so exciting for you!”; or you could pretend like you have a secret handshake so that they feel worse about not remembering it than you feel about not wanting to hug them. If everything is happening too fast though, like this-hug-is-happening fast, you can make the hug as not physical as possible while not making it awkward in two ways.
I’d like to start by saying that when you don’t want to hug someone, they probably don’t want to hug you either. (Or they feel weird about wanting to hug you more than you want to hug them. People can sense this.) There is usually some sort of social pressure created by everyone else hugging that makes you two feel that you also have to. So you do it, which not only makes you uncomfortable, but also speaks to your lack or will and sad need to conform. Way to go! Here’s an image below of what that looks like in my mind when it happens to me.
This hug happens sometimes.
But here’s what can happen. You can do something called the drawbridge hug! This is there you lean forward, and so do they because they get it! Then you don’t have to press up on each other. It looks like this!
But, this looks sort of awkward if there isn’t anything “prohibiting” you from crashing into each other like a wave into a pier, with the wanting and the waiting coming to a pinnacle of hugging that is so intense that others just have to look away. If you want to do the drawbridge hug, or you are taking all necessary precautions because this is kind of a last resort, you have to prevent all potential for the wave-crashing hug that NOBODY WANTS IN THIS SITUATION! I suggest sitting down at a table where it would be really hard for you to get up. Sitting in the corner of the room or against the wall with a table keeping you “trapped” would be ideal. You could also pretend to be working behind a bar or in a kitchen with one of those window things, but you have to be stealthy about it. You’re doing people a favor!
If that can’t happen though, there is another alternative. It is called the string cheese hug because I couldn’t think of another name for it. It’s like when someone splits a piece of string cheese in half, not the curly kind though. It goes a little something like this…
Truth is. You’re probably just going to have to hide in the bathroom. Or you can own it and make your eyes say, “Let’s side hug” to the person or angle yourself so that the only hug that can happen is a side one. Once again, this only works if there are “obstacles”.
YAY FOR NOT TOUCHING EACH OTHER!
We’re all so comfortable!
It’s also okay to just say “NOOOOOOOO. Nope!”
Your body, your rules! But for real. I’m being serious.
MIDTERMS. DONE. They are done for the year! Shoooooot what?!
I didn’t sleep last night so now I feel kinda funny. I also made friends with a cockroach in the MacCracken study room this morning. I named him Frederick because if you give a scary bug a name they aren’t as scary. Maybe it’s because it makes them seem like your weird friend who moves WAY TOO FAST. For a second I thought, “You know what Frederick? You’re not that scary!” Then he scuttled closer to me and started to put his own antenna in his mouth. It freaked me out, and now I’m left wondering if Frederick and I communicated. Oh, Frederick.
Other than that, I’m going to write something about being a twin right now, and you all may find it a little sassy but whatever. Feelings!
Recently I was talking with my sister, whom I love, when she told me that someone who only knew her said that she had more sparkle than me.
I’m so sparkly! If anything I would say we have equal sparkle. So I did not understand why this asshole would say this, and then I realized that it was because we didn’t have any sort of acquaintanceship going on. So, I never waived to him because I didn’t know who he was. I straight up didn’t notice him, which makes sense, because we had never been introduced!
It’s like there’s this weird expectation for twins to be super nice to their twin’s friends. Which is fine for me because Kelly is a great judge of people, but if I don’t know you I can’t give you an upward nod or anything! You are really just doing yourself a disservice, because my upward nods have a very surprising cool factor to them that most people find pleasing.
And now this person has hurt my feelings so… he’s not getting any sparkle. Actually, he’ll probably get the sparkle and then I will laugh as he lets the guilt chill out with him for a little bit. Malicious sparkling may a happen in the near future. Look out!
Also, hi’s go both ways, I would have sparkled so hard if he had given me the chance. I am just feeling so upset that he just never gave me an opportunity to show him what I can do for him. It’s just like, why didn’t you give me wings to fly? Now I’m just a un-sparkly dirt clot in your mind. Why? Why?
Also, using sparkle as an adjective for a person is something that… okay I was going to be mean, but that would mean that I care. Whatever. Use sparkle. Just know that you are stupid.
I SPARKLE DAMMIT.
Why does this bother me so much?
There is glitter coming out of every oprphace of my body!
Oh also, it’s really funny to say weird things about the orphaces of your body. Pores count! You have to say it like this though THE (insert body part) OF MY BODY!
Example. THERE IS GLITTER COMING OUT OF THE PORES OF MY BODY! Really emphasize the “MY BODY!” part.
WEEEEEEEEEEEE! WEE WOO WEE!
I will be writing more about cool stuff later. Right now I am not letting myself be comfortable so that I can stay awake.
Also, Sonalah Ibrahim is a great author!
Um.. What else.
NO! BACK TO WORK.
Usually I don’t write about humiliating things until a couple of years after they have happened, but I that one is okay because it only involves me fucking up! IT’S ALL ABOUT M3!
I bombed an audition so hard yesterday, like I actually made everyone in that room so uncomfortable, because I forgot how to read… because I wasn’t very prepared. Life lessons! Also, when I get nervous it is just a sad thing to look at. There’s a lot of low pitched speaking and sentences that are actually just a string of words that shouldn’t go together, like this!
“Hi, I’m going to read, sorry this is so last minute.. this is a monologue from.. I’m sorry how are you guys?! What?” And then all of a sudden my breathing is audible in a throaty and nasally at the same time kind of way, and my awareness of all of these things makes it all happen more intensely. It’s kind of gross.
I wish I could apologize to those people, but I won’t because they probably don’t really care and I don’t want them to remember! Or to think that I care! AHH! Pretending like things didn’t happen is sometimes okay!
I also think that a topic of importance at this moment in time is inappropriate jokes! AHHH! That Seth MacFarlane guy, I actually don’t know who he is but he must be successful, made an oopsie or two. I think it’s like, you can insult yourself with a joke and you will always be okay. You can also insult a small group of people for something they did with a joke; and if they’re good sports and the joke was crafted well, it’s okay! As soon as you make a joke that has undertones of oppression, it’s really bad. You can’t do that.
For a long time when people would be like “Megan, you’re being too sensitive!” I’d go along with whatever “joke” was being told. Then I realized they were doing some douchey stuff. Super douchey. Summer’s eve, top brand, douche bag stuff. Got commercials where they don’t even say vagina. It’s just all wrong. I’m going on a tangent about douche bag language. Let’s get back to the topic at hand!
So don’t feel like a sensie because oppressive jokes make you feel weird! It’s good that you feel weird about it because it means your aware of oppressive systems within our society! Maybe even say “Yo, that makes me feel weird.” If the person is cool you guys can talk about why and society will suck less!
And if they say “DOOD DON’T BE SO SENSITIVE!” be like, “You are acting like a bag filled with vaginal discharge…” Maybe not. Too far? I don’t know. Discharge isn’t a bad thing! But I don’t want to be around a bag full of it you know? This is getting really weird.
Anyway, life advice from me! For free! And some rhyming!
Yeah girl!!! Have fun! It’s gunna look so good!