Guys, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about these people who have been sexually harassing me for a while. Also a disclaimer, this is not about one person. It’s about many people from throughout my life. Like weird guys 1,2, and 3, and 4, the guy who made everything I say somehow relate to his penis. Creativity!
I’d also like to add that you do not have to look nice to be sexually harassed. This usually happens to me at my most shower/sleep deprived times. It’s steamy… but just in ja “wow, there’s just a lot of stuff going on with your whole deal and it’s emitting steam” sort of way.
At first I blamed myself because I’m friendly, and I hug people that I think are my friends, and sometimes people misunderstand.
BUT WOAH. You need a visa to enter bootytown.
Also, if you’re going to say “If you weren’t a student…” to someone, stop before you complete the sentence. Actually, just complete the sentence with, “Nevermind, sorry about that! I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. Did I? I’m sorry! It won’t happen again.”
So, here are some options.
1.) Grab his butt back and say “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!”
But what if he does.
Also, what if he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong?
But here’s the other thing, most men who are inappropriate say. “Omg I didn’t know…” And it’s like, really? Are you sure you didn’t know?!
I read an article recently that surveyed male students in one southern and one midwestern university, and many of them said they’d lie about not knowing what they were doing in order to get away with a lot of shit. I mean, that’s one article, but that kind of mindset is out there.
Also, are you really that dumb?! Really? “Oh man I had no idea my hand was there! I had no idea where my body was in space! I had no idea that I was taking advantage of a weird power dynamic even though I say shit like ‘keep it on the low’. I just like secrets. They’re a hobby of mine. I’m not worried about people knowing or anything, but keep it on the low.”
But then there are the guys who really don’t know. #delimmas #everybodysdifferent #dangit #dummies.
I could 2.) Write a rager, which I’m kind of doing, but I feel weird about it! Whatever. This blog is titled “Feelings!” because it’s all about FEELINZ. GET REAL OR GET OUT K? THIS IS MY HOUSE! Just like my body is my temple. Oh what?
3.) The next time the guy says hi to me, I could just shake my head at him and walk away, but that could be misconstrued to mean so many things..
It’s just that I have to decide what my goal actually is. I want him to never grab my or anyone’s asses without permission anymore. I also want to prove to myself that I can communicate my boundaries with people I’d rather not communicate.
Mostly I have this fantasy where I put motherfuckers in their PUHLACE. But why? I’m only a little jaded! I like mocking things but I still have some ideals and believe in the general goodness of people. Why don’t I want to hug the motherfuckers?! Actually, that is not a problem because I have shit to do. I have friends (They’re real.. promise!) And work! And school! And TV shows to watch and freak out about. I don’t have time to sit every person who has fucked up ideas and untangle them all. I’m kind of busy trying to become AmyPoehlerDiabloCodyBeyonce. So get out of the way assgrabbers k?! Actually it’s not a choice fucking move.
I could. 3.) Let it go, accept it, and let it roll of my back.
This is what I have been doing, minus the letting go part, obviously.
I’ve also complicated things by trying to capitalize on it. They sexually harass me, I get them to do me favors. I’ve justified this with lots of different creeps for years because it gave me some power in the equation. But the problem is, although it was getting me drinks after the bar closed from the creepy bartender, free rides, being let off the hook when I didn’t deserve to be and numerous other “favors”. I wasn’t getting what I actually wanted, which was for these douchebag idiots to respect my boundaries.
This is can also be referred to as the patriarchal bargain, which is when someone who is oppressed by the patriarchal system uses their role in order to either survive or gain something. But.. I don’t need to to survive. So I don’t have to do it, and I don’t want to.
If anything, reading about the patriarchal bargain just puts more meaning behind me when I yell FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!
Which I haven’t done yet.. but get ready. The yelling will happen soon.
That’s not to say that everyone has to opt out though. Capitalize on that shit if that’s what you wanna do! I’m all for assholes losing money/time. Go for it!
The last option is to state my boundaries.
Every time I try to do this I end up getting tongue tied and then the dude just asks me questions about what I’m doing later and where I’m trying to be, and then I just say vague nice things to get him to stop talking to me.
So, next time I see that guy, I’m going to do that even though it will probably be done between hyperventilating and getting nervous hives. Whatever. Turtleneck lyffe.
And if it makes him sad, oh well. Learning isn’t always magical and fun.
P.S. To the person who gave me the bootytown line, I am forever grateful.