FEARS, FEARS AND FEARS!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH!!! OH NO!!!
I am terrified.
I am terrified because for my conference work I have decided to bite the bullet and do stand up. The weird thing is I don’t find singing terrifying at all, I sound like a motherfucking robin in the spring time.
I also tanked and tanked and tanked with a blues band for two years in order to become comfortable singing in front of people. Then I drank a lot of alcohol to try to get over it, and tanked while I was drunk… and then one time I tried to hit this high note during a Led Zepplin song, but my nerves got to me and I had to apologize for making people’s ears bleed.
After humiliating myself over and over I got desensitized to the shame, stopped giving a crap, and everything got better. Now I have to begin the same painful journey with another thing I want to do in front of people.
The moral: nerves can kick your ass. But also! They’re you’re nerves. Unlike Miley Cyrus, they CAN be tamed.
But also, crowds can suck. One time I sang in front of a tough crowd and no one even cracked a smile, and I almost cried in front of them… so….. I feel like that can be either construed as very sad or very funny depending on how you picture it in your mind. Actually I hope that because it’s definitely just embarrassing and sad.
Also, one time I saw my two friends do stand up, and they told a lot of fucked up jokes that I loved, and I cracked up, and so did this other guy, but no one else did. Like, I almost peed my pants I laughed so hard. So then they felt weird because only I was laughing, and then I felt weird because I was the only one laughing, which may be worse than having no one laugh? Maybe they all felt bad because they just couldn’t get on our level. whatevaaaa!
And when I get stressed out my mind blanks, so I keep sitting down to write some stand up and then my brain just shuts down and goes AHHH NO. PROTECT YOUR FRAGILE EGO GIRRRRRL.
There is a really good chance no one will laugh because it’s my first time, and I’ve never seen someone’s first stab at stand up go well.
I have some no fail stories, but like, they’re pretty personal and disgusting and almost all of them involve semen. I don’t even know.
I also feel a little pathetic for being like “wah wah wah what if they don’t like me,” but I can’t just go up there and be like “I DON’T CARE IF YOU LAUGH, FUCK YOU!” because.. well, I do.
This one successful guy online made this video and was like “you’re going to suck for a while, but you’ll have good taste still, and you’ll get better blah blah blah.”
If you see me slapping my own chest,roaring in the mirror, and scream whispering “MEGAN FUCKING GILBERT MAN.” don’t be alarmed. I’m just getting PSYCHED UP. UHH.
If you wanna help you can join me. Ladiez room next Thursday night most probably.
AHHHH SO PAINFULL.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Love is pain~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*